Last week saw #ntando & #JuniorDeRocka trending for days. “Papgeld” (loosely translated to porridge money) was the main issue at hand. With Ntando accusing Junior of a lack of maintenance. Junior decided to clear his name by posting proof of payments he had deposited into her account for their daughter. These transfers amounted to over R21 000 in just 6 months. The next thing you know Ntando claims Junior was not spending quality time with their daughter, this was followed by accusations of physical abuse. Junior on the other hand accused Ntando of “falling pregnant deliberately”, reminding her how he pleaded with her to take the morning after pill. The keyboard warriors posted their opinions, with some suggesting Ntando lowers her standard of living, others accusing her of wanting to live the Instagram life (life of luxury in order to post and gain likes/popularity or as I would call it “Keeping Up With The Motsepe’s”) using papgeld.
Arguments ensued about the appropriate amount for child maintenance. Some said R3000 pm was more than enough whilst others took it upon themselves to calculate rent or bond repayments, car, fuel and insurance, groceries, medical aid, tuition fees, extra murals, clothing, entertainment, hair maintenance, holidays, the nanny’s salary and so on. The latter group of warriors were of the belief that their child deserved a high standard of living because the parents are celebrities. The former, insinuated that Ntando should be grateful he was contributing something, stating the number of dads who do a “slyza tsotsi” (absconds from parental duties or ‘run criminal run’).
My humble opinion: If both parties consent to sex then the contraceptive methods should be discussed and decided on by both parties and the conversation around conception should involve both parties. The parents are equally liable for child maintenance and together they must take responsibility to provide emotional and physical support to ensure a healthy, good-natured and well-rounded child. It is a different story if it discussed beforehand that one of the parents will be a ‘stay at home’ while the other ekes out a living and provides for the whole family. I strongly suggest a drawn up document that can be emailed from one address to another, a reminder of what was agreed upon. Important documents, arrangements and agreements should be drawn up from the onset as this might help avoid and hopefully prevent legal costs, lawsuits and litigation. Parenthood requires maturity of the highest order and level. Your personal needs and egos become secondary, co-parenting (whether as partners sharing a roof or whether separated/divorced) becomes priority. And on the subject of parenthood, you don’t have to physically give birth to share an opinion on how to or how not to raise a child. Tons of the keyboard warriors had the audacity to bark at the so-called barren, totally disregarding the fact that some dump their kids with the grandparents, siblings, relatives or refuse bins. Some were forced into parenthood, courtesy of the increase in child-headed homes.
Raising a child is a lifetime responsibility and commitment, raising a child is nie pap n’ vleis nie……pun intended.
Opinion Booth 