I saw my little sister’s Tweet this morning. It expressed how she was brought to tears by something that she had experienced and how she had reached out to our mother for solace. I can only assume Twitter was her other outlet, a cry for help. A few hours later we had a telephonic conversation and it ended with good laughs, I made sure not to end our convo without the reassurance she would be okay.
I started to wonder: Do men call their mothers or fathers and cry whenever they feel overwhelmed? I feel for my mother because I’ve lost count of the number of times I phoned her to cry non-stop, to a point my entire body started shaking. I would regret it afterwards, feeling guilty for burdening her.
You often hear: “A man should keep his shit together”. What happens when shit hits the fan? What happens when he gets overwhelmed? These questions need to be asked, now more than ever. Covid-19 has led to so much uncertainty and we’ve seen and experienced the impact of losing loved ones, friends and colleagues. Moreover, the job losses and reduced salaries. Now imagine men, who are under pressure to provide for their families. How do they handle those days when they don’t feel like adulting. Who do they reach out to when they feel inadequate and incapable? Are they comfortable and entrusting enough to pick up the call and say: “Dad, I don’t know what to do, this is too much”. Are they able to pick up the phone and just cry before explaining or even without explaining the reason for their sadness or agony? Can they do so without hesitation and apprehension?
Now I ask, have you ever heard your brother or male partner phone his father to off-load and maybe even cry? If so, how did you react to it? Has your brother or male partner ever come up to you to off-load and cry? If so, how did you react to that? What did you say?… What was your reaction when your son fell off his bike and hurt himself? Remember this, words ingrained will forever be deeply imbedded…
Would we experience escalating abuse cases if men were encouraged to talk and to freely express how they felt? I’m obviously referring to emotional expression, not the physical kind, this has to be reserved for the punching bag at the boxing club or gym. Would we experience such disturbing and alarming statistics of GBV if men were afforded the various outlets that provide the much-needed support? Imagine a man who quickly grabs his phone and reaches out to his father instead of grabbing a gun.
My Humble Opinion: phrases such as “Boys don’t cry”, “You cry like a girl”, and “Don’t be a sissy” are the reason we have angry and detached men. Imagine a world that operated on a two-way street, whereby boys and men are encouraged to reach out, off-load and just be. Encouraged to do so without fear of judgement or fear of being ridiculed.
“Real men don’t cry,that’s how sadists are born” – Ila Dhond
I saw my little sister’s Tweet this morning. It expressed how she was brought to tears by something that she had experienced and how she had reached out to our mother for solace. I can only assume Twitter was her other outlet, a cry for help. A few hours later we had a telephonic conversation and it ended with good laughs, I made sure not to end our convo without the reassurance she would be okay.
I started to wonder: Do men call their mothers or fathers and cry whenever they feel overwhelmed? I feel for my mother because I’ve lost count of the number of times I phoned her to cry non-stop, to a point my entire body started shaking. I would regret it afterwards, feeling guilty for burdening her.
You often hear: “A man should keep his shit together”. What happens when shit hits the fan? What happens when he gets overwhelmed? These questions need to be asked, now more than ever. Covid-19 has led to so much uncertainty and we’ve seen and experienced the impact of losing loved ones, friends and colleagues. Moreover, the job losses and reduced salaries. Now imagine men, who are under pressure to provide for their families. How do they handle those days when they don’t feel like adulting. Who do they reach out to when they feel inadequate and incapable? Are they comfortable and entrusting enough to pick up the call and say: “Dad, I don’t know what to do, this is too much”. Are they able to pick up the phone and just cry before explaining or even without explaining the reason for their sadness or agony? Can they do so without hesitation and apprehension?
Now I ask, have you ever heard your brother or male partner phone his father to off-load and maybe even cry? If so, how did you react to it? Has your brother or male partner ever come up to you to off-load and cry? If so, how did you react to that? What did you say?… What was your reaction when your son fell off his bike and hurt himself? Remember this, words ingrained will forever be deeply imbedded…
Would we experience escalating abuse cases if men were encouraged to talk and to freely express how they felt? I’m obviously referring to emotional expression, not the physical kind, this has to be reserved for the punching bag at the boxing club or gym. Would we experience such disturbing and alarming statistics of GBV if men were afforded the various outlets that provide the much-needed support? Imagine a man who quickly grabs his phone and reaches out to his father instead of grabbing a gun.
My Humble Opinion: phrases such as “Boys don’t cry”, “You cry like a girl”, and “Don’t be a sissy” are the reason we have angry and detached men. Imagine a world that operated on a two-way street, whereby boys and men are encouraged to reach out, off-load and just be. Encouraged to do so without fear of judgement or fear of being ridiculed.
“Real men don’t cry,That’s how sadists are born” – Ila Dhond
President Cyril Ramaphosa announced last night that government schools will be closed for a month, with the exception of matriculants who will resume classes in a weeks’ time. There was pressure all around for schools to be closed and now people are asking why private schools remain open. “Our kids are going to be disadvantaged”… “It must be nice to be rich”… “rich kids will progress to the next grades and their matriculants will get a spot at tertiary institutions”. These are valid concerns, although misdirected. A society that understands accountability would tag the so-called leaders on their social media posts. What’s the point of raising pertinent issues and questions on your Tweet if you don’t tag the president, education minister, Student Governing Bodies and the relevant unions? Consider asking if they send their kids to government schools while you at it.
Fact is, not all kids in private schools come from rich families. We all have different priorities and many parents make sacrifices. You hear of stories of domestic workers prioritizing their kid’s education, spending a bulk of their salary on tuition. A clear indication of someone who values good quality education. Some parents know the benefits are immense and endless. From being placed at the top of the list for internships and job interviews. To friendships, forged relationships, networks and access to wealthy and well-connected influential families. Such parents know that education is an investment.
Children in private schools are already catching up on lost time and the teachers are on a mission to complete the year’s syllabus, THIS YEAR. They have amended the academic calendar, holidays shortened. They are busy with assessments and they have already issued academic calendars for next year. The tuition fees are steep but you can see where your money is going and how it is spent, can’t say the same about my taxes. Which is why I am puzzled by the anger and frustrations directed at private schools. Crucified for offering services paid for? The lunacy and absurdity of it. How about asking the government to root out corruption and ensure the education budget is spent appropriately and accordingly? Private schools exist in massive numbers today because there was a gap for good quality education. You just have to look at the performances of educational service providers on the JSE. If I had a million to spare I would buy shares into one of those companies, a no-brainer as an investment.
My Humble Opinion: No child chooses to be born into a poor family, however, the sad reality is, inequality will remain and exist for as long as we have greedy politicians who continue to loot state funds. Ironic when you consider that the parents get taxed, only for the money to be looted. Money that should go towards services, infrastructure and resources. Corruption is the reason we still have pit latrines in some schools. Corruption is the reason we still have mud schools. Corruption is the reason textbooks are not delivered. Corruption is the reason we have 60 kids in a classroom built for a capacity of 20. Corruption is the reason most schools don’t have labs and libraries. Corruption is the reason kids don’t have the resources for online learning. South Africa’s education budget allocation is the highest in the continent, pointless because there is not much to show for it. Millions of kids are going to lag behind not because they are poor, but because you have greedy pigs and sloths who will never reach a point of satiety. Unless you decide on a tax revolt. Otherwise they will continue to line their pockets for as long as the kitty stays unlocked. And even if it gets locked, they will find a way to pick the lock because thieves are cunning. Hold your government accountable. Be informed, enlightened and involved so you can ask the right questions, to the right people.
“Corruption in education steals the future from the next generation”
Someone shared a video of a white woman yelling: “I am a Trustee of this place, you don’t belong here”. Her rage was directed toward a black woman. The allegations revealed white residents who were against blacks moving into the complex. Such people don’t belong anywhere, okay, maybe Orania. I recall some time ago when #Orania was trending and only then did I learn that they have their own currency. I knew they display and only acknowledge the old apartheid flag but I thought printing their own currency was a bit obsessive, if not laughable. Some people were asking why they were allowed to establish their own ‘country’ and my opinion was: “why wouldn’t racists be allowed to live amongst each other”. Truth is, we are better off with ALL racists moving to Orania. Fact is, freedom came at a price and no doubt peace and tranquility comes at a price, all the more reason for us all to chip in for those who wish to move (to Orania) but cannot afford to.
A friend (black) shared a story on Facebook. He was awaiting his turn to pay for a purchase as he stood behind a white woman. He was cognizant of the 1.5m social distancing protocol but she felt the need to yell ‘step back!’. He remained calm and swiftly took a step back and was now miles away from this woman. She yelled ‘step back’ for the second time and by now the shop owner noticed how unreasonable, pathetic and condescending she was and he apologized on her behalf. This madam was lucky that my friend was channeling his Zen on this particular day. He is an astute, quick-witted and highly educated individual, he would’ve ripped her to pieces on a different day.
My stance is, silence is not always bliss. Sometimes all it takes is one person calling the other to order. Imagine a young girl in kindergarten. She finds other kids playing with her favourite toys but she grabs one from a particular child (of colour) while screaming: “this is mine”. She knows very well that the toys belong to all the kids there but because nobody reprimands her she continues with her entitlement behavior. She might very well be imitating her parent’s behavior, the kind that suffers from superiority complexes. She grows up believing everything she likes and wants belongs to her. She grows up to be that woman who jumps the queue at the bank, pharmacy, grocery store, etc. Totally oblivious, aloof and nonchalant. The other people (of color) are invisible as far as she is concerned.
Now let me ask, what makes you think you belong in Sandton and I don’t? You can afford it, so can I…Why should I continue to stay in a 40 SQM 4-roomed house with an outside toilet and an asbestos roof in Soweto when I can build a mansion in my 1-acre plot in Little Falls or Blair Athol. Bearing in mind my grandparents ended up in townships because they were forcibly moved, during apartheid…. by your grandparents. You say people of colour don’t belong in Camps Bay, because you are obtuse and ignorant to know who the initial inhabitants were and how they lost their land. Don’t even get me started on the history of District 6….You say my kids don’t belong in that private school? You can afford your kids top quality education, so can I. Why must they continue with Bantu Education in the townships? Bearing in mind your forefathers introduced that abysmal system.
My Humble Opinion: You say I don’t belong here………… do you? Know your history and check yourself.
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”
I must confess that I was overwhelmed by the almost daily WhatsApp messages from Noah’s register teacher. These started streaming in way before the Easter school holidays, just before the lockdown was announced. From pictures with information and motivational messages to forward to Noah, to videos from the principal and links to fun and educational activities. It got to a point where I avoided WhatsApp for hours, well at least until I had sat down to enjoy my first morning cuppa, my ritual early in the morning while everyone else is still fast asleep…. absolute bliss. A time when the house is so quiet you can hear your heartbeat, and the birds.
On normal school days I wake up at 06:15 so I was very happy to get the extra 45 minutes of sleep. My alarm was set for 7am as Noah’s online class was due to begin at 8am. The MS Teams App had been downloaded for weeks and he had his profile set up too. Matthew tested the headphones and built in microphone. The only thing we hadn’t tested was the laptop camera, we had no reason to believe it could malfunction. Moreover, he had to have his teacher or fellow classmates on the other side to test it. That’s our story and we are sticking to it….
Noah was starting to stress, this was a few minutes before his first ever online class. Mommy, daddy and eventually big brother were surrounding him trying to troubleshoot this camera issue. Fortunately his teacher was patient and understanding and luckily for us we had Plan B. A couple of hours later Noah plonked his body on his bed, he was overwhelmed: “mommy, I don’t think I can manage all that work today”. I did my best to reassure him that we are here for assistance and support. I must be honest, I was also overwhelmed when I saw the main page with 7 subject folders. I looked at his MS Teams files and found he only had to do a total of 3 hours of work on his own today. It took a lot of convincing for him to understand that ‘Week 1’ work was to completed over a week and ‘Week 1 to 4’ could be completed over a month, with Week 3 & 4 being after the lockdown (fingers crossed). He logged off just after 2pm and the heavy air around our home was lifted.
This e-learning topic brings me to a trending debate on social media, tuition fees, especially where private schools are concerned. It was highlighted and discussed on one of the news channels. It is simple, we stop paying and the teachers stop receiving their salaries. What happens then, they seek employment to offer private lessons to those who can afford? What happens after lockdown? Our kids go back to school without teachers? What about the hours spent on training sessions to enable them to facilitate online classes? These took place during the Easter school holiday break, a time that was meant for exactly that purpose….a break from our brats. What about the hours spent preparing for those online classes?
Our eldest started his Easter school holiday on the same week of the lockdown and he was meant to reopen on 6 April, so he will only miss out 3 weeks of normal school by the time it is lifted, hopefully. Noah was meant to break a couple of days after lockdown and he was meant to return to school today, meaning he will only miss out on 2 weeks and 2 days of schooling. Now I ask, is it fair to expect a tuition rebate or a discount?
My Humble Opinion: We are so privileged and we don’t take that for granted. Imagine the millions of kids without phones, tablets, laptops and PC’s. Imagine the millions without DATA, ADSL and Fibre. Imagine the millions of kids whose parents are clueless about logging into a computer, thus being unable to give assistance and support. Imagine the millions of families who cannot afford private lessons should it become necessary.
Teachers have families too, they have feelings too and they do get overwhelmed at times, just like we do. Imagine a teacher that has to attend to queries and questions from 24 kids (or more), online. Bear in mind the challenges that come with old laptops with malfunctioning cameras, pathetic internet speeds, disconnections and network interruptions. You could not pay me enough to become a teacher, and if anyone made an enticing offer too great, you could, with great confidence, bet all that money that I would be fired on the first day, before the first break.
“We are under lockdown and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. Let us embrace this new norm, there are lessons to be learnt from this”– Sonia Booth
Yesterday I decided to book an appointment for our 11-year-old son. He had this nagging sore throat and I thought it best to seek medical attention in case of an imminent lockdown. Just as well I secured a slot for today considering the President’s announcement last night, the 21-day lockdown.
We arrived at the health centre and I struggled to find parking, my assumption being that everybody else had the same idea to mine. Medical consultations, follow-up appointments and prescription meds refills before the lockdown. We were greeted by two gentlemen, one spraying sanitizers on the hands of all those who walked through the doors and the other was pointing a thermometer at the forehead. We got the nod to proceed and noticed a red line, a metre away from the reception counter. It read: “please stand behind this line”. The ladies behind this counter were wearing surgical masks. I was impressed by all these precautions and health measures. The waiting area was full but all the seats were a good metre apart. Noah’s appointment was at 11:00 but the Dr only saw him at 12:15, another indication of an influx of patients and possible complications and emergencies. Luckily for us, Noah’s was a minor infection and he should be feeling brand new in a couple of days.
My relief was short lived as we approached the queue to the pharmacy. It looked super long, that is, until I realised people were standing a good distance away from each other. I overheard the two gentlemen stationed at the door call out to a woman. She was walking away from them and she totally ignored them. I locked eyes with her and told her to go back towards the door to get her temperature checked.
Woman: “I am here to see a Dr anyway”
Me: “My son and I also had our temperature checked at the door and he was also seen by a doctor”
Woman: “What’s your problem?”
Me: “Respect procedure and protocol, get your temperature checked, at the door, like everyone else in here. There’s nothing special about you”.
By now people in the queue were urging her to just get her temperature checked and one lady even shouted, “stupid inconsiderate b*^ch”.
She refused until a manager spoke to her, she stood her ground and it seemed she was eventually told she could not enter until her temperature was checked. What followed next was rather concerning and stomach churning. She wrote something on the health centre’s logbook and then a surgical mask was handed to her. This could only mean her temperature was high and the manager obviously decided it was in everyone’s best interest for her to wear the surgical mask. Looking back, I can only attribute this woman’s behaviour to someone who was consumed by terror, thoughts of a possible Covid-19 infection. I hope and pray her Dr’s observation and tests (if done, if necessary) reveal nothing sinister and that we were not exposed to anything disconcerting ……………
A gentleman wearing the health centre’s uniform came up to me after this exhausting altercation, “Thank You for that, much appreciated”, he said. I was not expecting a Thank You. I did what every mother does to try and protect their offspring. I am ultimately responsible for my son’s health and wellbeing.
My Humble Opinion: The only way to curb Covid-19 is for all of us to apply common sense, courtesy and adhere to procedures and protocol. The smell of sanitiser is overwhelming but hey, take consolation in that it is mostly alcohol based, a little something to mellow us down can‘t be that bad. On a serious note, only a narcissist will continue to walk around in public without a surgical mask and gloves, especially someone who suspects they might have been exposed to the virus somehow. Moreover, someone who has observed or experienced the known symptoms.
#Makro trended for two days last week, this after pictures and videos of shoppers were posted. Many of their branches saw queues snaking around the parking lot. Apparently ‘crowd control’ measures were in place, ensuring only 100 shoppers were inside, not sure if this included the cashiers and other ground staff. Especially upon seeing videos of the queues, snaking around and in between the isles. People were bulk buying, following our President’s announcement on restrictions regarding mass gatherings/social distancing and travel. Moreover, two messages started to circulate on WhatsApp, one was recorded by a woman who lives between Greece and South Africa and the other by a Ghanaian national residing in Milan. They were relating their current lived experiences and they painted a very gloomy picture, scenes from movies such as Contagion, World Word Z, Pandemic, etc.
Some of these pictures sparked debate and controversy…
“Queues that long, a perfect place for the virus to spread easily and quickly”
“There’s more than 100 people in that queue, how do these restrictions work”
One lady, a white lady (race matters in this context based on the above posts) responded by posting: “We are just grocery shopping, what’s all the fuss”?
People were concerned upon seeing empty shelves on what stood essential goods. Fact is, very few have the ability to shop at that time of the day. Most people are stuck at work at that time. Moreover, not many can afford to fill up trolleys mid-month, most cannot even afford 1 trolley on payday. We cannot overlook certain privileges. The same way one should not take for granted being able to negotiate flexi hours at work, enabling you to avoid rush hour traffic in the mornings and afternoons.
Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with people planning ahead. Italy, a country with a population exceeding that of South Africa is on a lockdown. This would concern even those with the “Let’s play it by ear” mentality. I am a mother to 2 super-active-growing boys, courtesy of their Monday to Monday physical activities. They eat like sumo wrestlers. I enjoy cooking and often I plan meals days in advance (a privilege as millions go without food daily). Their school holidays have now been stretched to a whole month and I needed to ensure we have enough supplies to lessen my trips to the grocery store. We are encouraged to exercise Social Distancing after all. I had planned to go to Makro last week Monday after gym and I found various reasons to postpone. Instincts were at play, imagine my relief upon seeing the #Makro on Twitter later that afternoon.
My plan was not to stock up for a mini-spaza shop, nor disrupt the food supply chain, nor contribute towards inflated prices (we’ve seen how some retailers have increased prices for sanitizers, surgical masks, etc). Mine was to stock up on essentials to last us 2 months at the very least, that is, if these 2 gobblers plus their cousin don’t polish everything off before the Easter holidays. So, I left home and my 1st stop was a place where I normally buy house cleaning aids, in bulk, as a cost-saving tool (something my mama taught me from a young age). The first item…you guessed it, toilet paper. Hey, EVERY shopper’s trolley had toilet paper. Human beings are full of shit! I stood for a while comparing prices and despite the fact that everyone else was grabbing the expensive 2-ply I grabbed the 1-ply. Less shit in our household. Besides, I’d much rather spend more on food than on wiping down the excr……never mind. At this point 2 women and a guy argued about prices and the one exclaimed: “I need 2-ply, I need to give my arse a proper clean”. Everyone on that isle heard that comment and I for one wanted to respond with something like, “You need more than 2-ply for that ass, try wet wipes and/or a waslap with hot water and soap”.
My next stop was a gas tank refiller for the stove and heater, load-shedding is becoming the norm. Then I filled up my car, your never know. My 4th stop was for another essential supply, ironic for such a store to stock surgical masks. “R25 rands each”, I exclaimed. “I only make R5 profit”, said the owner. My mid-morning was concluded by groceries shopping and lucky for me, there was just this 1 box of 30 Seconds on the shelf, on sale nogal. This was waiting for me 😊
I’ve just realized I forgot to buy Gin, effective sanitizers contain a high alcohol percentage so I assume this will make for a good disinfectant. Someone has to clean the kitchen surfaces before meal preps……..and I believe Quinine has health benefits too.
My Humble Opinion: Covid-19 is here to remind us of the basics, good hygiene and sanitation. Something we ought to do daily, like all habits. Moreover, Covid-19 will ‘force’ families to find creative and fun ways to entertain their kids. No sound-minded parent will ask their kids to go to the park or allow their teenagers to hang out with friends at malls. It will force us to go back to basics, board games for quality family time. We won’t be able to charge our gadgets and power banks during prolonged load-shedding and cable thefts. Eskom might introduce Stage 19 should majority of their ground workers stage (pun-intended) a ‘stay-at-home’. Lucky are those with effective silencers on their generators, solar powered homes and inverters. The rest of us should include sanity whenever we pray for our daily bread. May we as parents come out on the other side stronger. We were just recovering from the 5-week December school holiday, budget-wise and lethargy-wise (yes, that is English). We all know school holidays are taxing financially, physically and emotionally to a certain degree, now this. #ParentAbuse
On a serious note, how are you prepping for this lockdown?. More importantly, are we, as a human race, as a country truly equipped for a lockdown? Once you are done digesting that thought, consider the following. A 21-day lockdown at 00:00 on 26 March 2020. Isaiah 26 verse 20: “Go, my people. Enter your rooms and shut the doors behind you. Hide yourselves for a little while, until his wrath has passed”.
I was listening to the radio on Saturday and the newsreader quoted the stats around Voter Registration weekend. “There are about 11.2 million unregistered voters and 4.5 million of them say they do not intend to register”. I thought to myself: huh!, not interested to register to vote? As in, not interested to exercise your democratic right to select the next leader and president of YOUR COUNTRY?
The next thing that
came to mind was, “is this the same generation that coined the woke hashtag? Do
they know what it means to be an active and proactive citizen? Do they know how
many of their peers around the world who are deprived of this right? Do they
know the meaning of the word democracy? Do they know some countries consider
themselves a democracy but are run by tyrants, who self-elect? Do they know
what their parents sacrificed in order for them to be afforded the right to
draw a cross on that ballot paper? I use the word ‘afforded’ because many lives
were lost and destroyed for us to see the fruits of democracy, in a country
with one of the best constitutions in the world.
My husband had this to
say: “perhaps they haven’t identified the right political party to vote for”.
To which I responded: “they should still register, the ballot paper hasn’t been
finalized. There might be new entrants and participants registered by the time
we head to the voting stations in May. Having said that, surely they can find a
party to vote for, given the 563 registrations at the last count.”
One could argue and
state the high unemployment rate among that age group, that perhaps they are disillusioned
and gatvol (Afrikaans for “I’ve had it/I’ve had enough/enough is enough). What is of main concern is that most of these
subjects are relatively poor. Are they really going to place their future in
the hands of others, those that might be better off, those that can actually
afford to leave the country should shit hit the fan, or those that can afford
private services and access to resources should a Tax Revolt take ground. Fact
is, a tax revolt will mostly impact on the poor. My point is, the way to change
and challenge the status quo is to be actively involved as a citizen, the only
way to be heard is to speak. And the only way to be understood is to engage in meaningful
and thought-provoking dialogue and that means being fully clued up about
current affairs. If you don’t know what is going on in your own country how
else are you going to hold your leaders accountable?
According to South African Citizens Survey, the subjects in discussion live in a major metropolitan area where there is (most likely) proper infrastructures that come with somewhat well-run facilities and services. Could we then conclude that they are content with the current state of affairs or are they in a comfort zone, or do they think they don’t deserve better? I ask because I know that much can be improved in this country. Imagine our potential if we elected ethical leaders who have a zero tolerance to corruption, nepotism and cronyism. Leaders who understand the true meaning of democracy: “rule by the people”, not “rule by a person/rule by a dynasty/rule by a tribe/rule by a clan” ……
My Humble Opinion: By refusing to register means you are passing up the opportunity to cast your vote and this disqualifies you from complaining about whomever gets elected to lead this country. Moreover, you waive your right to criticize the elected party and its policies. Your voice and opinions don’t matter. Don’t even think about organizing or partaking in that service delivery protest. Your generation is known as the ‘woke’ generation, at this rate, this word will soon be replaced with ‘drowse’.
“The government you elect is the government you deserve” Thomas Jefferson
“The government others elect on your behalf is still the government you deserve” Sonia Booth
Opinion Booth 