Category: Societal Issues

The Covid-19 Protocol

Yesterday I decided to book an appointment for our 11-year-old son. He had this nagging sore throat and I thought it best to seek medical attention in case of an imminent lockdown. Just as well I secured a slot for today considering the President’s announcement last night, the 21-day lockdown.

We arrived at the health centre and I struggled to find parking, my assumption being that everybody else had the same idea to mine. Medical consultations, follow-up appointments and prescription meds refills before the lockdown. We were greeted by two gentlemen, one spraying sanitizers on the hands of all those who walked through the doors and the other was pointing a thermometer at the forehead. We got the nod to proceed and noticed a red line, a metre away from the reception counter. It read: “please stand behind this line”. The ladies behind this counter were wearing surgical masks. I was impressed by all these precautions and health measures. The waiting area was full but all the seats were a good metre apart. Noah’s appointment was at 11:00 but the Dr only saw him at 12:15, another indication of an influx of patients and possible complications and emergencies. Luckily for us, Noah’s was a minor infection and he should be feeling brand new in a couple of days.

My relief was short lived as we approached the queue to the pharmacy. It looked super long, that is, until I realised people were standing a good distance away from each other. I overheard the two gentlemen stationed at the door call out to a woman. She was walking away from them and she totally ignored them. I locked eyes with her and told her to go back towards the door to get her temperature checked.

Woman: “I am here to see a Dr anyway”

Me: “My son and I also had our temperature checked at the door and he was also seen by a doctor”

Woman: “What’s your problem?”

Me: “Respect procedure and protocol, get your temperature checked, at the door, like everyone else in here. There’s nothing special about you”.

By now people in the queue were urging her to just get her temperature checked and one lady even shouted, “stupid inconsiderate b*^ch”.

She refused until a manager spoke to her, she stood her ground and it seemed she was eventually told she could not enter until her temperature was checked. What followed next was rather concerning and stomach churning. She wrote something on the health centre’s logbook and then a surgical mask was handed to her. This could only mean her temperature was high and the manager obviously decided it was in everyone’s best interest for her to wear the surgical mask. Looking back, I can only attribute this woman’s behaviour to someone who was consumed by terror, thoughts of a possible Covid-19 infection. I hope and pray her Dr’s observation and tests (if done, if necessary) reveal nothing sinister and that we were not exposed to anything disconcerting ……………

A gentleman wearing the health centre’s uniform came up to me after this exhausting altercation, “Thank You for that, much appreciated”, he said. I was not expecting a Thank You. I did what every mother does to try and protect their offspring. I am ultimately responsible for my son’s health and wellbeing.

My Humble Opinion: The only way to curb Covid-19 is for all of us to apply common sense, courtesy and adhere to procedures and protocol. The smell of sanitiser is overwhelming but hey, take consolation in that it is mostly alcohol based, a little something to mellow us down can‘t be that bad. On a serious note, only a narcissist will continue to walk around in public without a surgical mask and gloves, especially someone who suspects they might have been exposed to the virus somehow. Moreover, someone who has observed or experienced the known symptoms.

 

Heal the world

Make it a better place

For you and for me

And the entire human race

There are people dying

If you care enough for the living

Make it a better place

For you and for me

♫♪

Overkill?

#Makro trended for two days last week, this after pictures and videos of shoppers were posted. Many of their branches saw queues snaking around the parking lot. Apparently ‘crowd control’ measures were in place, ensuring only 100 shoppers were inside, not sure if this included the cashiers and other ground staff. Especially upon seeing videos of the queues, snaking around and in between the isles.  People were bulk buying, following our President’s announcement on restrictions regarding mass gatherings/social distancing and travel. Moreover, two messages started to circulate on WhatsApp, one was recorded by a woman who lives between Greece and South Africa and the other by a Ghanaian national residing in Milan. They were relating their current lived experiences and they painted a very gloomy picture, scenes from movies such as Contagion, World Word Z, Pandemic, etc.

Some of these pictures sparked debate and controversy…

“Queues that long, a perfect place for the virus to spread easily and quickly”

“There’s more than 100 people in that queue, how do these restrictions work”

One lady, a white lady (race matters in this context based on the above posts) responded by posting: “We are just grocery shopping, what’s all the fuss”?

People were concerned upon seeing empty shelves on what stood essential goods. Fact is, very few have the ability to shop at that time of the day. Most people are stuck at work at that time. Moreover, not many can afford to fill up trolleys mid-month, most cannot even afford 1 trolley on payday. We cannot overlook certain privileges. The same way one should not take for granted being able to negotiate flexi hours at work, enabling you to avoid rush hour traffic in the mornings and afternoons.

Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with people planning ahead. Italy, a country with a population exceeding that of South Africa is on a lockdown. This would concern even those with the “Let’s play it by ear” mentality. I am a mother to 2 super-active-growing boys, courtesy of their Monday to Monday physical activities. They eat like sumo wrestlers. I enjoy cooking and often I plan meals days in advance (a privilege as millions go without food daily). Their school holidays have now been stretched to a whole month and I needed to ensure we have enough supplies to lessen my trips to the grocery store. We are encouraged to exercise Social Distancing after all. I had planned to go to Makro last week Monday after gym and I found various reasons to postpone. Instincts were at play, imagine my relief upon seeing the #Makro on Twitter later that afternoon.

My plan was not to stock up for a mini-spaza shop, nor disrupt the food supply chain, nor contribute towards inflated prices (we’ve seen how some retailers have increased prices for sanitizers, surgical masks, etc). Mine was to stock up on essentials to last us 2 months at the very least, that is, if these 2 gobblers plus their cousin don’t polish everything off before the Easter holidays. So, I left home and my 1st stop was a place where I normally buy house cleaning aids, in bulk, as a cost-saving tool (something my mama taught me from a young age). The first item…you guessed it, toilet paper. Hey, EVERY shopper’s trolley had toilet paper. Human beings are full of shit! I stood for a while comparing prices and despite the fact that everyone else was grabbing the expensive 2-ply I grabbed the 1-ply. Less shit in our household. Besides, I’d much rather spend more on food than on wiping down the excr……never mind. At this point 2 women and a guy argued about prices and the one exclaimed: “I need 2-ply, I need to give my arse a proper clean”. Everyone on that isle heard that comment and I for one wanted to respond with something like, “You need more than 2-ply for that ass, try wet wipes and/or a waslap with hot water and soap”.

My next stop was a gas tank refiller for the stove and heater, load-shedding is becoming the norm. Then I filled up my car, your never know. My 4th stop was for another essential supply, ironic for such a store to stock surgical masks. “R25 rands each”, I exclaimed. “I only make R5 profit”, said the owner. My mid-morning was concluded by groceries shopping and lucky for me, there was just this 1 box of 30 Seconds on the shelf, on sale nogal. This was waiting for me 😊

I’ve just realized I forgot to buy Gin, effective sanitizers contain a high alcohol percentage so I assume this will make for a good disinfectant. Someone has to clean the kitchen surfaces before meal preps……..and I believe Quinine has health benefits too.

My Humble Opinion: Covid-19 is here to remind us of the basics, good hygiene and sanitation. Something we ought to do daily, like all habits. Moreover, Covid-19 will ‘force’ families to find creative and fun ways to entertain their kids. No sound-minded parent will ask their kids to go to the park or allow their teenagers to hang out with friends at malls. It will force us to go back to basics, board games for quality family time. We won’t be able to charge our gadgets and power banks during prolonged load-shedding and cable thefts. Eskom might introduce Stage 19 should majority of their ground workers stage (pun-intended) a ‘stay-at-home’. Lucky are those with effective silencers on their generators, solar powered homes and inverters. The rest of us should include sanity whenever we pray for our daily bread. May we as parents come out on the other side stronger. We were just recovering from the 5-week December school holiday, budget-wise and lethargy-wise (yes, that is English). We all know school holidays are taxing financially, physically and emotionally to a certain degree, now this. #ParentAbuse

On a serious note, how are you prepping for this lockdown?. More importantly, are we, as a human race, as a country truly equipped for a lockdown? Once you are done digesting that thought, consider the following. A 21-day lockdown at 00:00 on 26 March 2020. Isaiah 26 verse 20: “Go, my people. Enter your rooms and shut the doors behind you. Hide yourselves for a little while, until his wrath has passed”.

Raising Dictators

My week started at the doctor’s rooms, I am clumsy like that. She could see how apprehensive I was during the stitching of my lower arm and she knew the best way to distract me.

Dr: “How are the boys?”

Me: “They are good Thank You. The eldest went back to school today and the youngest only starts tomorrow”.

Dr: “Oh, aren’t they at the same school?”

Me: “No, big brother had to move to High School last year. It would’ve been convenient to uproot Noah considering Nathan’s school offers Primary education. We felt it would be unfair to disrupt his life for logistics. Moreover, we knew Noah wouldn’t be happy to move, soccer was not yet offered as an extra-mural at the big brother’s school. He had made his preference known on one of our previous conversations regarding his High School choices. We have ‘sit downs’ with our boys and we always discuss the pros and cons before decisions are made. Yes we pay the tuition but they are the ones who have to attend classes daily. We allow them to voice their opinions but at the end of the day we have to do what we think is best for them. We involve them in decision making because we don’t want to come across as dictators, we don’t want them to become dictators”.

Dr: “Wow, that’s my kind of parenting. I get concerned when parents ignore, disregard or dismiss what their kids have to say. So much could be avoided and prevented if we took the time to listen to our kids. To allow them to just be and not to force anything on them. For example, I feel uncomfortable whenever parents tell their kids to say ‘Thank You Dr’ and especially when they force them to hug me as a way of showing gratitude. We should respect a child’s space, boundaries and feelings.”

Me: “Sad indeed, then we wonder how dictators are made”.

My Humble Opinion: No two kids can be the same, we know that our boys have different personalities. Nathan preferred a particular high school because it was fairly small compared to the others. He is the quiet type and has very few close friends. Noah on the other hand will fit in perfectly in a big school, he is a socialite and you can’t keep up with his list of friends. The assumption is that parents have the experience, knowledge and the wisdom to make decisions but it is important to acknowledge and consider our kids needs, preferences and opinions. Social media is bombarded with conversations around consent. We teach our kids not to speak to strangers and for them to say NO! and to report when someone touches them inappropriately. “Tell us whenever someone makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t be shy or feel ashamed to tell us if someone says something untoward. Just know that you can speak to mommy and daddy about anything and everything. We will always make time whenever you need a sit down, we are ready to listen whenever you need to talk about anything that bothers or concerns you.” A child will open up to you if you create that safe space for them to self-express. “I am the parent and you are just a child therefore, DO AS I SAY, my decision is final!” ……dictatorship much………………

“I grew up under a dictatorship. I knew what it meant for people to not have the ability to freely express themselves”.

Ilhan Omar

Continue reading “Raising Dictators” →

We Didn’t See It Coming

People who suffer from depression and those with suicidal thoughts are actually perfectionists and they want to have control over ALL areas of their lives, some would say, ‘control freaks’. Some were abused as kids, at an age where they couldn’t defend themselves, where the perpetrator overpowered them, where the perpetrator showed them who was really in control. They will forever be haunted by these thoughts. No matter how physically or mentally strong they end up as adults. Something happens to trigger such moments and it becomes an uphill battle, an emotional rollercoaster. Chester Bennington experienced sexual abuse from the age of seven. His songs became anthems for young people struggling with emotional issues. The song Crawling “was about feeling like I had no control over myself in terms of drugs and alcohol.” he said in an interview. Many of his fans struggle to understand why he took his own life because: “he had a great wife, beautiful kids and a great career, everything good going for him”. Yet many of his songs reveal someone who was haunted by his childhood events.

You often hear people say: “she was doing so well, she was melodic and soulful, she was one of the best house vocalists. Think Nichume Siwundla. Most people didn’t realise she was fighting battles that made her talent seem insignificant. One of her Instagram posts says it all. The body-shamers that reminded her daily on social media of her weight gain. Moreover, it is alleged she had financial disputes with her recording label. Any of these could have consumed her mind around the clock, feeling hopeless and eventually she decided she couldn’t take it anymore. Taking her own life was her way of saying: “make it stop!”

Tim Bergling, AKA Avicii took his own life last year. His family released a statement saying: “Our beloved Tim was a seeker, a fragile artistic soul searching for answers to existential questions. An over-achieving perfectionist who travelled and worked hard at a pace that led to extreme stress. When he stopped touring, he wanted to find a balance in life to be happy and be able to do what he loved most, music. He really struggled with thoughts about Meaning, Life and Happiness. He could not go on any longer. He wanted to find peace.”

Perfectionists want EVERY area of their lives to be smooth sailing but we all know that is not possible. Even the calmest of seas and oceans experience the most brutal of weather patterns at some point. Sadly though, nothing can stop someone from attempting to take their own lives. Medical intervention does not work on everybody, we all have different genetic make-up after all. Even worse if it is hereditary. Your life could be on track, all aspects in harmony. Until something considered minute by some triggers those negative thoughts. Where you don’t see a way out, where you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. An independent person who loses their job, such a person cannot fathom asking for financial assistance, some would say ego and pride getting in the way. Someone being diagnosed with a terminal disease, not wanting to burden loved ones, not wanting to accumulate exorbitant medical bills.

Upon hearing of your passing they will say: “we didn’t see it coming”. Hilarious, only not funny. There are always warning signs and many times there is a build-up of some sort. Those who really care, those closest to you will know that you were not ok. And those who paid attention would confess (if prodded), that they “saw this coming” and “didn’t know how else to reach out or lend a helping hand”. There are reasons why you “didn’t see it coming” or why you didn’t know someone was going through a dark phase:

  1. They don’t tell you because they fear being judged and ridiculed.
  2. They don’t want to burden you. For example, a suicidal person won’t tell you about their situation if they know you are also going through stuff. They won’t tell their sickly parent of their intention to kill themselves. Unless this person is a narcissist.
  3. You weren’t as close to them as you thought…sad but true.
  4. You were the perpetrator, the instigator, the shit-stirrer…

So, if you “didn’t see it coming”, ask yourself which of these categories you belong to.

My Humble Opinion: when a friend tells you they are not okay, take them seriously. Make a plan to visit them if you are in a position to do. Be prepared to just sit there and listen while they vent or sob…some would call this… ‘feeling sorry for yourself…..seeking attention’. Don’t give unsolicited advice, best to keep quiet if you don’t know what to say. Sometimes a person just wants a hug, even if it’s their last one. Believe you me, you will be happy with yourself (over time) once you find out you were probably the last person to express love and appreciation. Especially to a person that didn’t see much value in living. A person that was so convinced their life had reached the end of the road. Convince them to leave their hideout and take them out for that drink, it might just be their last. It will be hard to accept that they took their own life but this last memory will comfort you somehow. The deceased will die knowing that someone valued them enough to spend their time with them. And as for you, you might even gain a guardian angel (as I anticipate the holier-than-thou prepare a lecture on suicide and troubled souls and hell…blah blah blah). Heaven knows we need them now more than ever. And when you are in the presence of someone going through a dark phase, don’t say things like: “Many people would kill to have your life….You have a lot to be thankful and grateful for……Think of your kids”. Making them feel guilty will only exacerbate matters. Believe you me, suicidal thoughts don’t just occur out of the blue. It is well-thought out and well-planned out. This person would have played out all different scenarios in their heads. And at this stage they are convinced the end is nigh and inevitable. They succumb, all hope is gone. They would’ve cried out for help, to no avail. If you are the reason for someone’s pain and suffering, if you are one of those people who throw negativity in the direction of others, remember this, karma has your address.

#TillItComesKnockingAtYourDoor #TillItHappensToYou

Nurturing Athletic Minds

My heart sinks whenever I drive past Trinityhouse at Randpark Ridge. A private school with well-built Combi Courts and pristine, well-manicured rugby and cricket lawns. Directly opposite this is Kingsway Christian school, the structures of which are made out of shipping containers. A private school is obviously funded by the parents and I can only assume Kingsway to be supported by a church, donors and philanthropists.

The past weekend saw me spending 3 days at Reddam in Bedfordview for my son’s school hockey tournament. I was in awe of their sports grounds and facilities. I then remembered a conversation I had with someone about the Ivy League schools, the Michaelhouse, Hilton, St Mary’s, etc. These are well-rounded schools, they have a balanced outlook and performance results in both the academics and sports make you understand their exorbitant fees. As ridiculous as they sound to the 99% of the population. These are the crème de la crème. They hire retired sportsmen and women to coach, they can afford the best and therefore, they excel in most sporting codes.

Most top athletes that end up at national level are the fruits of private schooling. Those from underprivileged backgrounds go on to represent our country as a result of nurturing and having access to world class training facilities and supporting multi-disciplinary teams. The coach, the assistant, the physiotherapist, the conditioning coach, the mind coach, etc. Fact is, private schools scout for academic and sporting talent and they will offer bursaries and scholarships to the so-called gifted pupils and students.

South Africa’s 2019 budget saw the basic education being allocated with R262.4 billon in the next financial year. Finance Minister Tito Mboweni said while most of this money will be used to pay teachers, government has allocated around R30 billion into building new schools and maintaining existing infrastructure. “An additional R2.8 billion is added to the School Infrastructure Backlogs grant to replace pit latrines at over 2,400 schools,” said Mboweni, in line with an undertaking by President Cyril Ramaphosa to eradicate pit latrines which have caused the deaths of several children over the past few years. Based on this, one can only assume that things such as Combi Courts and grass/astro turf fields are well at the bottom of list of priorities, understandably so. Now the question is, where is that money going to come from? Parents to fundraise? Crowd Funding initiatives, rely on generous donors and philanthropists, the corporate sector and local business to chip in?

My Humble Opinion: Imagine if a developer was made to build Combi Courts or an astro turf for every mall built. Drive around and notice the number of malls being built in the poorest of neighborhoods, I can even bet my last rand that there are more malls around townships than there are libraries. Moreover, get the private schools to open up their fields and training facilities to government schools that surround them. I believe Trinityhouse allows Kingsway to utilize their sports facilities from time to time. As for coaches for government schools, how about the newly graduated Sports Science students, the many unemployed physiotherapists, biokineticists and retired sportsmen and women who live in the communities. Surely their services can be utilized, with a little stipend obviously. It pains to watch talented kids wasting away and not having anyone to nurture their talent. Imagine our performance at the Olympics, world tournaments and World Cups if we focused our attention and efforts in nurturing our future stars…..

The Y Generation That Refuses To Extrapolate X


I was listening to the radio on Saturday and the newsreader quoted the stats around Voter Registration weekend. “There are about 11.2 million unregistered voters and 4.5 million of them say they do not intend to register”. I thought to myself: huh!, not interested to register to vote? As in, not interested to exercise your democratic right to select the next leader and president of YOUR COUNTRY?

The next thing that came to mind was, “is this the same generation that coined the woke hashtag? Do they know what it means to be an active and proactive citizen? Do they know how many of their peers around the world who are deprived of this right? Do they know the meaning of the word democracy? Do they know some countries consider themselves a democracy but are run by tyrants, who self-elect? Do they know what their parents sacrificed in order for them to be afforded the right to draw a cross on that ballot paper? I use the word ‘afforded’ because many lives were lost and destroyed for us to see the fruits of democracy, in a country with one of the best constitutions in the world.

My husband had this to say: “perhaps they haven’t identified the right political party to vote for”. To which I responded: “they should still register, the ballot paper hasn’t been finalized. There might be new entrants and participants registered by the time we head to the voting stations in May. Having said that, surely they can find a party to vote for, given the 563 registrations at the last count.”

One could argue and state the high unemployment rate among that age group, that perhaps they are disillusioned and gatvol (Afrikaans for “I’ve had it/I’ve had enough/enough is enough).  What is of main concern is that most of these subjects are relatively poor. Are they really going to place their future in the hands of others, those that might be better off, those that can actually afford to leave the country should shit hit the fan, or those that can afford private services and access to resources should a Tax Revolt take ground. Fact is, a tax revolt will mostly impact on the poor. My point is, the way to change and challenge the status quo is to be actively involved as a citizen, the only way to be heard is to speak. And the only way to be understood is to engage in meaningful and thought-provoking dialogue and that means being fully clued up about current affairs. If you don’t know what is going on in your own country how else are you going to hold your leaders accountable?

According to South African Citizens Survey, the subjects in discussion live in a major metropolitan area where there is (most likely) proper infrastructures that come with somewhat well-run facilities and services. Could we then conclude that they are content with the current state of affairs or are they in a comfort zone, or do they think they don’t deserve better? I ask because I know that much can be improved in this country. Imagine our potential if we elected ethical leaders who have a zero tolerance to corruption, nepotism and cronyism. Leaders who understand the true meaning of democracy: “rule by the people”, not “rule by a person/rule by a dynasty/rule by a tribe/rule by a clan” ……

My Humble Opinion: By refusing to register means you are passing up the opportunity to cast your vote and this disqualifies you from complaining about whomever gets elected to lead this country. Moreover, you waive your right to criticize the elected party and its policies. Your voice and opinions don’t matter. Don’t even think about organizing or partaking in that service delivery protest. Your generation is known as the ‘woke’ generation, at this rate, this word will soon be replaced with ‘drowse’.

“The government you elect is the government you deserve”
Thomas Jefferson

“The government others elect on your behalf is still the government you deserve”
Sonia Booth

Who’s Child Is It Anyway?


Last week saw #ntando & #JuniorDeRocka trending for days. “Papgeld” (loosely translated to porridge money) was the main issue at hand. With Ntando accusing Junior of a lack of maintenance.  Junior decided to clear his name by posting proof of payments he had deposited into her account for their daughter. These transfers amounted to over R21 000 in just 6 months. The next thing you know Ntando claims Junior was not spending quality time with their daughter, this was followed by accusations of physical abuse. Junior on the other hand accused Ntando of “falling pregnant deliberately”, reminding her how he pleaded with her to take the morning after pill. The keyboard warriors posted their opinions, with some suggesting Ntando lowers her standard of living, others accusing her of wanting to live the Instagram life (life of luxury in order to post and gain likes/popularity or as I would call it “Keeping Up With The Motsepe’s”) using papgeld.

Arguments ensued about the appropriate amount for child maintenance. Some said R3000 pm was more than enough whilst others took it upon themselves to calculate rent or bond repayments, car, fuel and insurance, groceries, medical aid, tuition fees, extra murals, clothing, entertainment, hair maintenance, holidays, the nanny’s salary and so on. The latter group of warriors were of the belief that their child deserved a high standard of living because the parents are celebrities. The former, insinuated that Ntando should be grateful he was contributing something, stating the number of dads who do a “slyza tsotsi” (absconds from parental duties or ‘run criminal run’).

My humble opinion: If both parties consent to sex then the contraceptive methods should be discussed and decided on by both parties and the conversation around conception should involve both parties. The parents are equally liable for child maintenance and together they must take responsibility to provide emotional and physical support to ensure a healthy, good-natured and well-rounded child. It is a different story if it discussed beforehand that one of the parents will be a ‘stay at home’ while the other ekes out a living and provides for the whole family. I strongly suggest a drawn up document that can be emailed from one address to another, a reminder of what was agreed upon. Important documents, arrangements and agreements should be drawn up from the onset as this might help avoid and hopefully prevent legal costs, lawsuits and litigation. Parenthood requires maturity of the highest order and level. Your personal needs and egos become secondary, co-parenting (whether as partners sharing a roof or whether separated/divorced) becomes priority. And on the subject of parenthood, you don’t have to physically give birth to share an opinion on how to or how not to raise a child. Tons of the keyboard warriors had the audacity to bark at the so-called barren, totally disregarding the fact that some dump their kids with the grandparents, siblings, relatives or refuse bins. Some were forced into parenthood, courtesy of the increase in child-headed homes.

Raising a child is a lifetime responsibility and commitment, raising a child is nie pap n’ vleis nie……pun intended.