It was the first day of school yesterday and the #1stDayOfSchool #BackToSchool #BundleOfJoy #1stGrade were trending on social media. This made me think of a conversation I had with my 15-year-old son late last year. A sit down that went on for more than 45 minutes, a feat when you consider that he spends most of his time in his bedroom, with the door closed. He is the quiet type (unlike his 11yr old brother who speaks for all the children on this planet), but my patience and gentle nudging led me to pull something more than a ‘I am ok’. Parents know that I am referring to our kids responding “It was fun, It was Ok, It was nice” whenever we ask about their day. Count your blessings and pop a fine bottle of MCC if you get a proper sentence out of a teenager.
This blog sums up our conversation, something I encourage every parent to open up, as uncomfortable as it may seem. Some of these things he experienced, some he witnessed, some he heard of, and some I added to ignite your imagination and spark conversations among parents.
We live in a fast-paced environment, raising ‘woke’ kids who succumb to FOMO. We live in an era where the following has been normalized:
- Your child tells you they are meeting friends for movies and a bite to eat and you drop him off at a mall/entertainment complex. What if he and his friends get picked up by someone else or call an e-hailing cab/metered taxi and head to a house where there is zero adult supervision. Even worse, a drug dealers house………………
- Your child meets up with friends for an innocent get-together, only for them to get bullied and beaten up by another group, a bigger group (their peers), or those much older than them.
- Your child attends an event at a clubhouse of some estate, an e-hailing cab is called and a couple of them go to a liquor shop. They give cash (a bribe) to the driver and he buys booze on their behalf. Or, they identify an adult outside the liquor store, someone they assume is desperate for cash or booze…..Think how easy it would be for them to ask a homeless person to shop on their behalf, with small change or a bottle as a reward.
Add to this the responsibility of monitoring their cell phones, tablets, laptops, desktops, television, video games, etc. This requires consistency, time and effort. You do your best to instill values and morals, you do your best to raise a gentleman, only for him to play songs with lyrics containing words such as b!^(#>s, h@*s and m@*^#r f@*^r on their playlists. It doesn’t help that most radio stations play such music, they make attempts to bleep out swear words but even a person with a hearing impairment can make out those words. Yes it is impossible to censor EVERYTHING, especially when you consider that they could access content at internet cafes or even their friend’s houses. We can only hope that their schools and libraries have placed restrictions on websites other than those that focus on their education.
The addiction to our mobile phones does not help the situation. It robs families of quality time, an opportunity to bond and communicate. Imagine a ‘no phone’ policy at the dinner table. I bet you’ve observed a family at a restaurant, EVERYONE at the table glued to their screens, even a toddler sucking a pacifier watching cartoons on a tablet. This reminds me of a tweet I came across yesterday:
Pearl Boshomane Tsotetsi @Pearloysias “So happy we are discussing what a terrible role model Peppa Pig is. She’s rude & a total brat — & she never gets called out for it on the show. She’s a selfish, body-shaming bully. And she gets away with it. Basically, Peppa Pig is the portrait of a toddler.”
My Humble Opinion: Parenthood can be overwhelming, it is challenging enough with both parents juggling duties and responsibilities. I can’t even imagine a single-parent nor child-headed homes. This is why it is important to build and nurture a strong support structure you could tap into when the need arises. And they don’t have to be blood relations, it can be other parents. You do your best as a parent and you hope for the best, there is only so much you can do. What I do know, something the experts can reiterate, is that parenthood requires consistency, a NO right now must remain a NO tomorrow. Imagine what a marvelous society we would have if our kids ended up as adults who understood and acknowledged that NO is actually a sentence.
“When you hold your baby in your arms the first time, and you think of all the things you can say and do to influence him, it’s a tremendous responsibility. What you do with him can influence not only him, but everyone he meets and not for a day or a month or a year but for time and eternity”.
Rose Kennedy
Opinion Booth 