Lockdown The Retrograde Energies

Carte Blanche had an insert on artificial insemination for rhinos this past Sunday. Titled ‘Rhino IVF’: “In captivity, where normal social structures are impossible, rhinos are notoriously difficult to breed….In captivity, where close proximity means stress levels are high”. This made me wonder if we’ve ever had a successful petition to close down a Zoo. The following petition by Michelle Xu had 6,160 supporters, sadly.

“Do you remember the excitement you had when you went to the zoo as a child, or how happy you were to watch the live animal shows? When I was a kid and went to the zoo for the first time, I was so excited. I happily waved to the caged animals, oblivious to any sadness, stress or boredom in their eyes. Yes, animals do indeed suffer in zoos. They are taken away from their natural habitat; some of them are abused and even killed by zookeepers. These animals used to live in nature; they used to run free on the prairie, soar in the sky and swim in the ocean. Now they are all restrained by the limited space in their enclosures. As time goes by, some animals become more and more frustrated or depressed with their confinement. For example, captive orcas at Sea World swim in endless circles and gnaw on the metal edges of their tanks, breaking their teeth; the keepers drug them to manage their psychotic behavior. In the wild, these animals would normally travel about 140 miles every day. If we put ourselves in the position of animals in captivity, living in a zoo would be a human being living in prison. It is very common for zoos to have circus shows, where the animals are trained to perform for an audience. The training process is always hidden behind the scenes: animal trainers often inflict pain on the animals to make them respond to the trainers’ commands. They may also grind down the animals’ sharp teeth or inflict other types of abuse.  Animals are creatures of the world just as much as humans are, so how can we deny and deprive them of basic rights? I believe most people reading this want to see animals treated with respect. I urge you, therefore, to take action and help these animals by doing just one thing: actively boycott zoos. I believe that with this one simple action, over time we can create change.”

Safe to say now we know how animals in captivity feel. Most of them will remain in cages for as long as they live. Some humans couldn’t even last 3 weeks, you just have to read a report titled ‘Worrying increase in traffic volumes since lockdown extension’. Our home is located along the boundary wall and I definitely noticed the increased traffic flow a day after the Easter long weekend. People are obviously gatvol of being locked down, this leads one to question our mental state and wellbeing. One just has to look at the escalating rate of GBV during the lockdown. The breadwinners stressing about the next meal for their families, the high unemployment rate, our junk status as a country, worries about the coronavirus infections and deaths, etc. Then the conversations on social media around the alcohol ban. Arguments and excuses being made for the ban to be lifted. One thing is for sure, some use the lack of alcohol for their stress levels (especially during this lockdown) and others use the abundance of it (in their systems that is) for their barbaric actions and abhorrent behaviors. Who’s to judge?

Now I ask, HOW ARE WE REALLY? Personally, I feel the Retrograde Energy in the air, an eerie kind of energy. The one distinct sound is that of the birds, they are chirping (laughing): “this disgusting species is trapped behind the burglar bars while we fly freely”. Then this picture posted by Rob Beezy (@TrafficSA) on the 16th…

“Cape Town – spotted last night in Pringle Bay, a seaside village just outside Cape Town.   #Day21ofLockdown”

Kagiso Tlhobolo (@3tfusion): “The environment is happy with less human movement I see. #Day20ofLockdown”

Zak (@Zak09607140): “Tables have changed around indeed. He is free and we are caged!!”

Kruger National Park’s lions are enjoying a much quieter April. Courtesy Kruger National Park / Twitter

A news article that caught my eye a couple of days ago was “Coronavirus: Three Sydney beaches re-open for exercise”. Most beaches in Sydney, Australia remain closed during the ongoing lockdown, including the world-famous Bondi beach, but three have re-opened. Exercise is now allowed there, but social distancing rules are still in place. Local officials say this will make a big difference to people’s mental health.

Safe to say that it is okay not to be okay. There are days where I feel I should’ve stayed in bed, not a bad idea. If you are able to stay in bed or find a quiet spot in the house or in the garden for a few hours then so be it, it will be of benefit, not only to you but to those around you. Especially during this lockdown period where you feel as though you are breathing on top of each other. Even worse for a family like ours, we are all super active, there’s only so much skipping, climbing stairs and foot tennis that can be done. It was all fun in the beginning but now it seems monotonous.

My Humble Opinion: Perhaps the wide spreading of the virus was mother nature’s way to teach us lessons, to stop us in our tracks, for us to pay more attention, to change our ways, to force us to self-introspect and self-reflect. Who knows, maybe even a process of elimination for all our sins, we are responsible for the destruction of the earth after all…. 

May we come out the other side wiser, stronger and healthier

The New Norm

I must confess that I was overwhelmed by the almost daily WhatsApp messages from Noah’s register teacher. These started streaming in way before the Easter school holidays, just before the lockdown was announced. From pictures with information and motivational messages to forward to Noah, to videos from the principal and links to fun and educational activities. It got to a point where I avoided WhatsApp for hours, well at least until I had sat down to enjoy my first morning cuppa, my ritual early in the morning while everyone else is still fast asleep…. absolute bliss. A time when the house is so quiet you can hear your heartbeat, and the birds.

On normal school days I wake up at 06:15 so I was very happy to get the extra 45 minutes of sleep. My alarm was set for 7am as Noah’s online class was due to begin at 8am. The MS Teams App had been downloaded for weeks and he had his profile set up too. Matthew tested the headphones and built in microphone. The only thing we hadn’t tested was the laptop camera, we had no reason to believe it could malfunction. Moreover, he had to have his teacher or fellow classmates on the other side to test it. That’s our story and we are sticking to it….

Noah was starting to stress, this was a few minutes before his first ever online class. Mommy, daddy and eventually big brother were surrounding him trying to troubleshoot this camera issue. Fortunately his teacher was patient and understanding and luckily for us we had Plan B. A couple of hours later Noah plonked his body on his bed, he was overwhelmed: “mommy, I don’t think I can manage all that work today”. I did my best to reassure him that we are here for assistance and support. I must be honest, I was also overwhelmed when I saw the main page with 7 subject folders. I looked at his MS Teams files and found he only had to do a total of 3 hours of work on his own today. It took a lot of convincing for him to understand that ‘Week 1’ work was to completed over a week and ‘Week 1 to 4’ could be completed over a month, with Week 3 & 4 being after the lockdown (fingers crossed).  He logged off just after 2pm and the heavy air around our home was lifted.

This e-learning topic brings me to a trending debate on social media, tuition fees, especially where private schools are concerned. It was highlighted and discussed on one of the news channels. It is simple, we stop paying and the teachers stop receiving their salaries. What happens then, they seek employment to offer private lessons to those who can afford? What happens after lockdown? Our kids go back to school without teachers? What about the hours spent on training sessions to enable them to facilitate online classes? These took place during the Easter school holiday break, a time that was meant for exactly that purpose….a break from our brats. What about the hours spent preparing for those online classes?

Our eldest started his Easter school holiday on the same week of the lockdown and he was meant to reopen on 6 April, so he will only miss out 3 weeks of normal school by the time it is lifted, hopefully. Noah was meant to break a couple of days after lockdown and he was meant to return to school today, meaning he will only miss out on 2 weeks and 2 days of schooling. Now I ask, is it fair to expect a tuition rebate or a discount?

My Humble Opinion: We are so privileged and we don’t take that for granted. Imagine the millions of kids without phones, tablets, laptops and PC’s. Imagine the millions without DATA, ADSL and Fibre. Imagine the millions of kids whose parents are clueless about logging into a computer, thus being unable to give assistance and support. Imagine the millions of families who cannot afford private lessons should it become necessary.

Teachers have families too, they have feelings too and they do get overwhelmed at times, just like we do. Imagine a teacher that has to attend to queries and questions from 24 kids (or more), online. Bear in mind the challenges that come with old laptops with malfunctioning cameras, pathetic internet speeds, disconnections and network interruptions. You could not pay me enough to become a teacher, and if anyone made an enticing offer too great, you could, with great confidence, bet all that money that I would be fired on the first day, before the first break.

“We are under lockdown and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. Let us embrace this new norm, there are lessons to be learnt from this”– Sonia Booth

The Covid-19 Protocol

Yesterday I decided to book an appointment for our 11-year-old son. He had this nagging sore throat and I thought it best to seek medical attention in case of an imminent lockdown. Just as well I secured a slot for today considering the President’s announcement last night, the 21-day lockdown.

We arrived at the health centre and I struggled to find parking, my assumption being that everybody else had the same idea to mine. Medical consultations, follow-up appointments and prescription meds refills before the lockdown. We were greeted by two gentlemen, one spraying sanitizers on the hands of all those who walked through the doors and the other was pointing a thermometer at the forehead. We got the nod to proceed and noticed a red line, a metre away from the reception counter. It read: “please stand behind this line”. The ladies behind this counter were wearing surgical masks. I was impressed by all these precautions and health measures. The waiting area was full but all the seats were a good metre apart. Noah’s appointment was at 11:00 but the Dr only saw him at 12:15, another indication of an influx of patients and possible complications and emergencies. Luckily for us, Noah’s was a minor infection and he should be feeling brand new in a couple of days.

My relief was short lived as we approached the queue to the pharmacy. It looked super long, that is, until I realised people were standing a good distance away from each other. I overheard the two gentlemen stationed at the door call out to a woman. She was walking away from them and she totally ignored them. I locked eyes with her and told her to go back towards the door to get her temperature checked.

Woman: “I am here to see a Dr anyway”

Me: “My son and I also had our temperature checked at the door and he was also seen by a doctor”

Woman: “What’s your problem?”

Me: “Respect procedure and protocol, get your temperature checked, at the door, like everyone else in here. There’s nothing special about you”.

By now people in the queue were urging her to just get her temperature checked and one lady even shouted, “stupid inconsiderate b*^ch”.

She refused until a manager spoke to her, she stood her ground and it seemed she was eventually told she could not enter until her temperature was checked. What followed next was rather concerning and stomach churning. She wrote something on the health centre’s logbook and then a surgical mask was handed to her. This could only mean her temperature was high and the manager obviously decided it was in everyone’s best interest for her to wear the surgical mask. Looking back, I can only attribute this woman’s behaviour to someone who was consumed by terror, thoughts of a possible Covid-19 infection. I hope and pray her Dr’s observation and tests (if done, if necessary) reveal nothing sinister and that we were not exposed to anything disconcerting ……………

A gentleman wearing the health centre’s uniform came up to me after this exhausting altercation, “Thank You for that, much appreciated”, he said. I was not expecting a Thank You. I did what every mother does to try and protect their offspring. I am ultimately responsible for my son’s health and wellbeing.

My Humble Opinion: The only way to curb Covid-19 is for all of us to apply common sense, courtesy and adhere to procedures and protocol. The smell of sanitiser is overwhelming but hey, take consolation in that it is mostly alcohol based, a little something to mellow us down can‘t be that bad. On a serious note, only a narcissist will continue to walk around in public without a surgical mask and gloves, especially someone who suspects they might have been exposed to the virus somehow. Moreover, someone who has observed or experienced the known symptoms.

 

Heal the world

Make it a better place

For you and for me

And the entire human race

There are people dying

If you care enough for the living

Make it a better place

For you and for me

♫♪

Overkill?

#Makro trended for two days last week, this after pictures and videos of shoppers were posted. Many of their branches saw queues snaking around the parking lot. Apparently ‘crowd control’ measures were in place, ensuring only 100 shoppers were inside, not sure if this included the cashiers and other ground staff. Especially upon seeing videos of the queues, snaking around and in between the isles.  People were bulk buying, following our President’s announcement on restrictions regarding mass gatherings/social distancing and travel. Moreover, two messages started to circulate on WhatsApp, one was recorded by a woman who lives between Greece and South Africa and the other by a Ghanaian national residing in Milan. They were relating their current lived experiences and they painted a very gloomy picture, scenes from movies such as Contagion, World Word Z, Pandemic, etc.

Some of these pictures sparked debate and controversy…

“Queues that long, a perfect place for the virus to spread easily and quickly”

“There’s more than 100 people in that queue, how do these restrictions work”

One lady, a white lady (race matters in this context based on the above posts) responded by posting: “We are just grocery shopping, what’s all the fuss”?

People were concerned upon seeing empty shelves on what stood essential goods. Fact is, very few have the ability to shop at that time of the day. Most people are stuck at work at that time. Moreover, not many can afford to fill up trolleys mid-month, most cannot even afford 1 trolley on payday. We cannot overlook certain privileges. The same way one should not take for granted being able to negotiate flexi hours at work, enabling you to avoid rush hour traffic in the mornings and afternoons.

Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with people planning ahead. Italy, a country with a population exceeding that of South Africa is on a lockdown. This would concern even those with the “Let’s play it by ear” mentality. I am a mother to 2 super-active-growing boys, courtesy of their Monday to Monday physical activities. They eat like sumo wrestlers. I enjoy cooking and often I plan meals days in advance (a privilege as millions go without food daily). Their school holidays have now been stretched to a whole month and I needed to ensure we have enough supplies to lessen my trips to the grocery store. We are encouraged to exercise Social Distancing after all. I had planned to go to Makro last week Monday after gym and I found various reasons to postpone. Instincts were at play, imagine my relief upon seeing the #Makro on Twitter later that afternoon.

My plan was not to stock up for a mini-spaza shop, nor disrupt the food supply chain, nor contribute towards inflated prices (we’ve seen how some retailers have increased prices for sanitizers, surgical masks, etc). Mine was to stock up on essentials to last us 2 months at the very least, that is, if these 2 gobblers plus their cousin don’t polish everything off before the Easter holidays. So, I left home and my 1st stop was a place where I normally buy house cleaning aids, in bulk, as a cost-saving tool (something my mama taught me from a young age). The first item…you guessed it, toilet paper. Hey, EVERY shopper’s trolley had toilet paper. Human beings are full of shit! I stood for a while comparing prices and despite the fact that everyone else was grabbing the expensive 2-ply I grabbed the 1-ply. Less shit in our household. Besides, I’d much rather spend more on food than on wiping down the excr……never mind. At this point 2 women and a guy argued about prices and the one exclaimed: “I need 2-ply, I need to give my arse a proper clean”. Everyone on that isle heard that comment and I for one wanted to respond with something like, “You need more than 2-ply for that ass, try wet wipes and/or a waslap with hot water and soap”.

My next stop was a gas tank refiller for the stove and heater, load-shedding is becoming the norm. Then I filled up my car, your never know. My 4th stop was for another essential supply, ironic for such a store to stock surgical masks. “R25 rands each”, I exclaimed. “I only make R5 profit”, said the owner. My mid-morning was concluded by groceries shopping and lucky for me, there was just this 1 box of 30 Seconds on the shelf, on sale nogal. This was waiting for me 😊

I’ve just realized I forgot to buy Gin, effective sanitizers contain a high alcohol percentage so I assume this will make for a good disinfectant. Someone has to clean the kitchen surfaces before meal preps……..and I believe Quinine has health benefits too.

My Humble Opinion: Covid-19 is here to remind us of the basics, good hygiene and sanitation. Something we ought to do daily, like all habits. Moreover, Covid-19 will ‘force’ families to find creative and fun ways to entertain their kids. No sound-minded parent will ask their kids to go to the park or allow their teenagers to hang out with friends at malls. It will force us to go back to basics, board games for quality family time. We won’t be able to charge our gadgets and power banks during prolonged load-shedding and cable thefts. Eskom might introduce Stage 19 should majority of their ground workers stage (pun-intended) a ‘stay-at-home’. Lucky are those with effective silencers on their generators, solar powered homes and inverters. The rest of us should include sanity whenever we pray for our daily bread. May we as parents come out on the other side stronger. We were just recovering from the 5-week December school holiday, budget-wise and lethargy-wise (yes, that is English). We all know school holidays are taxing financially, physically and emotionally to a certain degree, now this. #ParentAbuse

On a serious note, how are you prepping for this lockdown?. More importantly, are we, as a human race, as a country truly equipped for a lockdown? Once you are done digesting that thought, consider the following. A 21-day lockdown at 00:00 on 26 March 2020. Isaiah 26 verse 20: “Go, my people. Enter your rooms and shut the doors behind you. Hide yourselves for a little while, until his wrath has passed”.

Parenthood ain’t for the faint at heart.

It was the first day of school yesterday and the #1stDayOfSchool #BackToSchool #BundleOfJoy #1stGrade were trending on social media. This made me think of a conversation I had with my 15-year-old son late last year. A sit down that went on for more than 45 minutes, a feat when you consider that he spends most of his time in his bedroom, with the door closed. He is the quiet type (unlike his 11yr old brother who speaks for all the children on this planet), but my patience and gentle nudging led me to pull something more than a ‘I am ok’. Parents know that I am referring to our kids responding “It was fun, It was Ok, It was nice” whenever we ask about their day. Count your blessings and pop a fine bottle of MCC if you get a proper sentence out of a teenager.

This blog sums up our conversation, something I encourage every parent to open up, as uncomfortable as it may seem. Some of these things he experienced, some he witnessed, some he heard of, and some I added to ignite your imagination and spark conversations among parents.

We live in a fast-paced environment, raising ‘woke’ kids who succumb to FOMO. We live in an era where the following has been normalized:

  • Your child tells you they are meeting friends for movies and a bite to eat and you drop him off at a mall/entertainment complex. What if he and his friends get picked up by someone else or call an e-hailing cab/metered taxi and head to a house where there is zero adult supervision. Even worse, a drug dealers house………………
  • Your child meets up with friends for an innocent get-together, only for them to get bullied and beaten up by another group, a bigger group (their peers), or those much older than them.
  • Your child attends an event at a clubhouse of some estate, an e-hailing cab is called and a couple of them go to a liquor shop. They give cash (a bribe) to the driver and he buys booze on their behalf. Or, they identify an adult outside the liquor store, someone they assume is desperate for cash or booze…..Think how easy it would be for them to ask a homeless person to shop on their behalf, with small change or a bottle as a reward.

Add to this the responsibility of monitoring their cell phones, tablets, laptops, desktops, television, video games, etc. This requires consistency, time and effort. You do your best to instill values and morals, you do your best to raise a gentleman, only for him to play songs with lyrics containing words such as b!^(#>s, h@*s and m@*^#r f@*^r on their playlists. It doesn’t help that most radio stations play such music, they make attempts to bleep out swear words but even a person with a hearing impairment can make out those words. Yes it is impossible to censor EVERYTHING, especially when you consider that they could access content at internet cafes or even their friend’s houses. We can only hope that their schools and libraries have placed restrictions on websites other than those that focus on their education.  

The addiction to our mobile phones does not help the situation. It robs families of quality time, an opportunity to bond and communicate. Imagine a ‘no phone’ policy at the dinner table. I bet you’ve observed a family at a restaurant, EVERYONE at the table glued to their screens, even a toddler sucking a pacifier watching cartoons on a tablet. This reminds me of a tweet I came across yesterday:

Pearl Boshomane Tsotetsi @Pearloysias “So happy we are discussing what a terrible role model Peppa Pig is. She’s rude & a total brat — & she never gets called out for it on the show. She’s a selfish, body-shaming bully. And she gets away with it. Basically, Peppa Pig is the portrait of a toddler.”

My Humble Opinion: Parenthood can be overwhelming, it is challenging enough with both parents juggling duties and responsibilities. I can’t even imagine a single-parent nor child-headed homes. This is why it is important to build and nurture a strong support structure you could tap into when the need arises. And they don’t have to be blood relations, it can be other parents.  You do your best as a parent and you hope for the best, there is only so much you can do. What I do know, something the experts can reiterate, is that parenthood requires consistency, a NO right now must remain a NO tomorrow. Imagine what a marvelous society we would have if our kids ended up as adults who understood and acknowledged that NO is actually a sentence.

“When you hold your baby in your arms the first time, and you think of all the things you can say and do to influence him, it’s a tremendous responsibility. What you do with him can influence not only him, but everyone he meets and not for a day or a month or a year but for time and eternity”.

Rose Kennedy

A thin line between ‘toughening’ up a child and brutally breaking their spirits.

Imagine a coach, manager and/or the assistant constantly being on a child’s case.

Imagine fellow teammates ridiculing, criticizing, teasing and constantly bullying a child.

Imagine the parents barking instructions on the sidelines.

Imagine other parents passing snide remarks: “how did this child get selected?”

Participation in sport has great potential to unearth and refine beyond the natural ability, natural flair, natural skill and talent. This is where we see the honing of crucial life skills and the makings of an all-rounder: after all, it takes more than talent and superstar qualities to be successful. I am referring to the hunger, dedication, determination, hard-work, self-discipline, effort, spirit, attitude, perseverance, persistence, willingness to learn, an ear to always listen and take instructions, and the skill to take the advice and guidance from those who have walked the path.

My Humble Opinion: I have seen well-intentioned coaches, managers, assistants, players and parents tear a child apart.To a point where that child gives up on their passions, dreams and aspirations.There is a thin line between ‘toughening’ up a child and brutally breaking their spirits and thwarting their emotional development, something they need in order to grow into well-adjusted adulthood. Consider a child’s age, level of maturity and emotional intelligence before you impart your version of ‘constructive criticism’. Children should be allowed to make mistakes without fear of judgement or reprisal. Children should be given the space to explore and discover. Our role as adults is to nurture, guide, protect and support. Ours is to boost morale and bring about morally sound and confident children.

“Don’t break a birds wings and tell it to fly. Don’t break a soul and tell it to be happy”

Raising Dictators

My week started at the doctor’s rooms, I am clumsy like that. She could see how apprehensive I was during the stitching of my lower arm and she knew the best way to distract me.

Dr: “How are the boys?”

Me: “They are good Thank You. The eldest went back to school today and the youngest only starts tomorrow”.

Dr: “Oh, aren’t they at the same school?”

Me: “No, big brother had to move to High School last year. It would’ve been convenient to uproot Noah considering Nathan’s school offers Primary education. We felt it would be unfair to disrupt his life for logistics. Moreover, we knew Noah wouldn’t be happy to move, soccer was not yet offered as an extra-mural at the big brother’s school. He had made his preference known on one of our previous conversations regarding his High School choices. We have ‘sit downs’ with our boys and we always discuss the pros and cons before decisions are made. Yes we pay the tuition but they are the ones who have to attend classes daily. We allow them to voice their opinions but at the end of the day we have to do what we think is best for them. We involve them in decision making because we don’t want to come across as dictators, we don’t want them to become dictators”.

Dr: “Wow, that’s my kind of parenting. I get concerned when parents ignore, disregard or dismiss what their kids have to say. So much could be avoided and prevented if we took the time to listen to our kids. To allow them to just be and not to force anything on them. For example, I feel uncomfortable whenever parents tell their kids to say ‘Thank You Dr’ and especially when they force them to hug me as a way of showing gratitude. We should respect a child’s space, boundaries and feelings.”

Me: “Sad indeed, then we wonder how dictators are made”.

My Humble Opinion: No two kids can be the same, we know that our boys have different personalities. Nathan preferred a particular high school because it was fairly small compared to the others. He is the quiet type and has very few close friends. Noah on the other hand will fit in perfectly in a big school, he is a socialite and you can’t keep up with his list of friends. The assumption is that parents have the experience, knowledge and the wisdom to make decisions but it is important to acknowledge and consider our kids needs, preferences and opinions. Social media is bombarded with conversations around consent. We teach our kids not to speak to strangers and for them to say NO! and to report when someone touches them inappropriately. “Tell us whenever someone makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t be shy or feel ashamed to tell us if someone says something untoward. Just know that you can speak to mommy and daddy about anything and everything. We will always make time whenever you need a sit down, we are ready to listen whenever you need to talk about anything that bothers or concerns you.” A child will open up to you if you create that safe space for them to self-express. “I am the parent and you are just a child therefore, DO AS I SAY, my decision is final!” ……dictatorship much………………

“I grew up under a dictatorship. I knew what it meant for people to not have the ability to freely express themselves”.

Ilhan Omar

Continue reading “Raising Dictators” →

We Didn’t See It Coming

People who suffer from depression and those with suicidal thoughts are actually perfectionists and they want to have control over ALL areas of their lives, some would say, ‘control freaks’. Some were abused as kids, at an age where they couldn’t defend themselves, where the perpetrator overpowered them, where the perpetrator showed them who was really in control. They will forever be haunted by these thoughts. No matter how physically or mentally strong they end up as adults. Something happens to trigger such moments and it becomes an uphill battle, an emotional rollercoaster. Chester Bennington experienced sexual abuse from the age of seven. His songs became anthems for young people struggling with emotional issues. The song Crawling “was about feeling like I had no control over myself in terms of drugs and alcohol.” he said in an interview. Many of his fans struggle to understand why he took his own life because: “he had a great wife, beautiful kids and a great career, everything good going for him”. Yet many of his songs reveal someone who was haunted by his childhood events.

You often hear people say: “she was doing so well, she was melodic and soulful, she was one of the best house vocalists. Think Nichume Siwundla. Most people didn’t realise she was fighting battles that made her talent seem insignificant. One of her Instagram posts says it all. The body-shamers that reminded her daily on social media of her weight gain. Moreover, it is alleged she had financial disputes with her recording label. Any of these could have consumed her mind around the clock, feeling hopeless and eventually she decided she couldn’t take it anymore. Taking her own life was her way of saying: “make it stop!”

Tim Bergling, AKA Avicii took his own life last year. His family released a statement saying: “Our beloved Tim was a seeker, a fragile artistic soul searching for answers to existential questions. An over-achieving perfectionist who travelled and worked hard at a pace that led to extreme stress. When he stopped touring, he wanted to find a balance in life to be happy and be able to do what he loved most, music. He really struggled with thoughts about Meaning, Life and Happiness. He could not go on any longer. He wanted to find peace.”

Perfectionists want EVERY area of their lives to be smooth sailing but we all know that is not possible. Even the calmest of seas and oceans experience the most brutal of weather patterns at some point. Sadly though, nothing can stop someone from attempting to take their own lives. Medical intervention does not work on everybody, we all have different genetic make-up after all. Even worse if it is hereditary. Your life could be on track, all aspects in harmony. Until something considered minute by some triggers those negative thoughts. Where you don’t see a way out, where you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. An independent person who loses their job, such a person cannot fathom asking for financial assistance, some would say ego and pride getting in the way. Someone being diagnosed with a terminal disease, not wanting to burden loved ones, not wanting to accumulate exorbitant medical bills.

Upon hearing of your passing they will say: “we didn’t see it coming”. Hilarious, only not funny. There are always warning signs and many times there is a build-up of some sort. Those who really care, those closest to you will know that you were not ok. And those who paid attention would confess (if prodded), that they “saw this coming” and “didn’t know how else to reach out or lend a helping hand”. There are reasons why you “didn’t see it coming” or why you didn’t know someone was going through a dark phase:

  1. They don’t tell you because they fear being judged and ridiculed.
  2. They don’t want to burden you. For example, a suicidal person won’t tell you about their situation if they know you are also going through stuff. They won’t tell their sickly parent of their intention to kill themselves. Unless this person is a narcissist.
  3. You weren’t as close to them as you thought…sad but true.
  4. You were the perpetrator, the instigator, the shit-stirrer…

So, if you “didn’t see it coming”, ask yourself which of these categories you belong to.

My Humble Opinion: when a friend tells you they are not okay, take them seriously. Make a plan to visit them if you are in a position to do. Be prepared to just sit there and listen while they vent or sob…some would call this… ‘feeling sorry for yourself…..seeking attention’. Don’t give unsolicited advice, best to keep quiet if you don’t know what to say. Sometimes a person just wants a hug, even if it’s their last one. Believe you me, you will be happy with yourself (over time) once you find out you were probably the last person to express love and appreciation. Especially to a person that didn’t see much value in living. A person that was so convinced their life had reached the end of the road. Convince them to leave their hideout and take them out for that drink, it might just be their last. It will be hard to accept that they took their own life but this last memory will comfort you somehow. The deceased will die knowing that someone valued them enough to spend their time with them. And as for you, you might even gain a guardian angel (as I anticipate the holier-than-thou prepare a lecture on suicide and troubled souls and hell…blah blah blah). Heaven knows we need them now more than ever. And when you are in the presence of someone going through a dark phase, don’t say things like: “Many people would kill to have your life….You have a lot to be thankful and grateful for……Think of your kids”. Making them feel guilty will only exacerbate matters. Believe you me, suicidal thoughts don’t just occur out of the blue. It is well-thought out and well-planned out. This person would have played out all different scenarios in their heads. And at this stage they are convinced the end is nigh and inevitable. They succumb, all hope is gone. They would’ve cried out for help, to no avail. If you are the reason for someone’s pain and suffering, if you are one of those people who throw negativity in the direction of others, remember this, karma has your address.

#TillItComesKnockingAtYourDoor #TillItHappensToYou

Subject Choices and Career Options

A month ago our 14 year old son brought documents from school. They were for our perusal, on his subject choices for Grade 9 and we had to give consent for him to take an aptitude test. Prior to this, the school had arranged for them to attend the My Future 4.0 – Next Level Digital Skills & Careers Summit. This opened up a very delicate and serious conversation about his subject choices and possible/potential career options.

Me: “any idea what career path you wish to pursue?”

Nathan: “A career in I.T, but I think I would also consider becoming a physiotherapist”

Me: “You can never go wrong with I.T, besides, your IT marks are super impressive”. As for him becoming a physio, my first thought was one of his best friends. I recall a conversation with his mom and she revealed it was his passion. “I hope you aren’t being influenced. There are many people out there who couldn’t bear losing friendships, people who decided to study what their best friends were studying, totally disregarding their strengths and passion. There are millions of people, especially young people, who are sitting at home, unemployed. Not because they are not qualified, but because they studied for something that is not much in demand. As your mother, I would be worried to see you at home without a job. All very well to study something you enjoy and something you are passionate about, but what if that doesn’t give you an income? You should consider ‘careers of the future’, look at uncle Owen. Did you know he was offered an internship before he even graduated? He studied IT Networking and he won’t struggle to find a job if he decided to quit today. Okay, it helps that he enjoys what he does. Very few people get paid to do what they love”.

My Humble Opinion: I am the kind that reads newspapers from front to back and the Careers and Jobs section is always thick. Yes, most of the descriptions and job specs state experience as one of requirements but consider a number of people who got their foot through the door simply because they asked to ‘shadow’ an employee or they offered to volunteer. You hear comments such as: “wake up early and work all day for a stipend?”. Question is, would you rather sit at home than work towards gaining some form of ‘experience’, something to add onto your Curriculum Vitae. How do we explain the number of people who are unemployed, yet they are highly qualified? Could it be that there is an influx of say, accounting, nursing, law graduates? It makes sense to look at the ‘careers of the future’ and to find one closest to your passions. This will almost guarantee a job and an income. It’s a pity that Technical and Vocational Education and Training (TVET) colleges are looked down upon. Youngsters, in particular, look down on the plumbers, the electricians, the carpenters and motor mechanics. Not realizing that they actually earn more that many in suits and air-conditioned offices. The unemployment rate would diminish to a certain degree if graduates availed themselves even if they knew they were over-qualified for a position. We all have to start somewhere, just get your foot through the door and work your way up.

Careers For The Future

1. Solar Energy Technician

2. Wind Energy Technician

3. Nurse Practitioner

4. Software Developer

5. Physical Therapist

6. Registered Nurse (RN)

7. Health Services Manager

8. Data Analyst

9. Digital Content Specialist

10. Information Security Analyst

11. Computer Systems Analyst

12. Biomedical Engineer

13. Mechanical Engineering Specialist

14. Electronics Engineering Specialist

15. Digital Rehab Counselor

16. Blockchain Developer

17. Civil or Commercial Drone Pilot or Dispatcher

18. Smart-Building Technician

19. 3D-Printing Technician

20. Augmented Reality Developer

21. Personal Privacy Advisor

22. Personal Brand Advisor

23. Robotics Service Technician

24. Remote Health Care Engineer

25. Urban Agriculture Specialist

26. Nanotech Engineer

27. Biomech Technician

28. Genetic Engineer

29. Tech Ethicist

30. Virtual Reality Designer

31. Problem-Solving Competition Director

32. Synthetic Biology Engineer

33. Project-Based Human Resources Director

34. Weather Control Engineer

Jobs That Don’t Exist Quite Yet (But Probably Will) By one popular estimate, 65% of our children entering primary school today will ultimately work in completely new job types that don’t yet exist.

35. Organizational Disrupter

36. Personal Education Guide

37. Custom Body Part Manufacturer

38. Brain Implant Specialist

39. Personal Microbiome Manager

40. Pharmaceutical Artisan

41. Urban Security Coordinator

42. End-of-Life Manager or Memorializer

43. Hyper-Intelligent Transportation Engineer

44. Cyborg Designer

45. Robotic or Holographic Avatar Designer

46. Space Tourism Guide

47. Space Nurse or Physician

48. Landfill Worm Operator

49. Extinct Species Revivalist

50. Android Relationship Counselor

51. Mind-Transfer Specialist

Source: https://www.trade-schools.net/articles/best-careers-for-the-future.asp

Nurturing Athletic Minds

My heart sinks whenever I drive past Trinityhouse at Randpark Ridge. A private school with well-built Combi Courts and pristine, well-manicured rugby and cricket lawns. Directly opposite this is Kingsway Christian school, the structures of which are made out of shipping containers. A private school is obviously funded by the parents and I can only assume Kingsway to be supported by a church, donors and philanthropists.

The past weekend saw me spending 3 days at Reddam in Bedfordview for my son’s school hockey tournament. I was in awe of their sports grounds and facilities. I then remembered a conversation I had with someone about the Ivy League schools, the Michaelhouse, Hilton, St Mary’s, etc. These are well-rounded schools, they have a balanced outlook and performance results in both the academics and sports make you understand their exorbitant fees. As ridiculous as they sound to the 99% of the population. These are the crème de la crème. They hire retired sportsmen and women to coach, they can afford the best and therefore, they excel in most sporting codes.

Most top athletes that end up at national level are the fruits of private schooling. Those from underprivileged backgrounds go on to represent our country as a result of nurturing and having access to world class training facilities and supporting multi-disciplinary teams. The coach, the assistant, the physiotherapist, the conditioning coach, the mind coach, etc. Fact is, private schools scout for academic and sporting talent and they will offer bursaries and scholarships to the so-called gifted pupils and students.

South Africa’s 2019 budget saw the basic education being allocated with R262.4 billon in the next financial year. Finance Minister Tito Mboweni said while most of this money will be used to pay teachers, government has allocated around R30 billion into building new schools and maintaining existing infrastructure. “An additional R2.8 billion is added to the School Infrastructure Backlogs grant to replace pit latrines at over 2,400 schools,” said Mboweni, in line with an undertaking by President Cyril Ramaphosa to eradicate pit latrines which have caused the deaths of several children over the past few years. Based on this, one can only assume that things such as Combi Courts and grass/astro turf fields are well at the bottom of list of priorities, understandably so. Now the question is, where is that money going to come from? Parents to fundraise? Crowd Funding initiatives, rely on generous donors and philanthropists, the corporate sector and local business to chip in?

My Humble Opinion: Imagine if a developer was made to build Combi Courts or an astro turf for every mall built. Drive around and notice the number of malls being built in the poorest of neighborhoods, I can even bet my last rand that there are more malls around townships than there are libraries. Moreover, get the private schools to open up their fields and training facilities to government schools that surround them. I believe Trinityhouse allows Kingsway to utilize their sports facilities from time to time. As for coaches for government schools, how about the newly graduated Sports Science students, the many unemployed physiotherapists, biokineticists and retired sportsmen and women who live in the communities. Surely their services can be utilized, with a little stipend obviously. It pains to watch talented kids wasting away and not having anyone to nurture their talent. Imagine our performance at the Olympics, world tournaments and World Cups if we focused our attention and efforts in nurturing our future stars…..