What’s Your Emotional Outlet?

I saw my little sister’s Tweet this morning. It expressed how she was brought to tears by something that she had experienced and how she had reached out to our mother for solace. I can only assume Twitter was her other outlet, a cry for help. A few hours later we had a telephonic conversation and it ended with good laughs, I made sure not to end our convo without the reassurance she would be okay.

I started to wonder: Do men call their mothers or fathers and cry whenever they feel overwhelmed? I feel for my mother because I’ve lost count of the number of times I phoned her to cry non-stop, to a point my entire body started shaking. I would regret it afterwards, feeling guilty for burdening her.

You often hear: “A man should keep his shit together”. What happens when shit hits the fan? What happens when he gets overwhelmed? These questions need to be asked, now more than ever. Covid-19 has led to so much uncertainty and we’ve seen and experienced the impact of losing loved ones, friends and colleagues. Moreover, the job losses and reduced salaries. Now imagine men, who are under pressure to provide for their families. How do they handle those days when they don’t feel like adulting. Who do they reach out to when they feel inadequate and incapable? Are they comfortable and entrusting enough to pick up the call and say: “Dad, I don’t know what to do, this is too much”. Are they able to pick up the phone and just cry before explaining or even without explaining the reason for their sadness or agony? Can they do so without hesitation and apprehension?

Now I ask, have you ever heard your brother or male partner phone his father to off-load and maybe even cry? If so, how did you react to it? Has your brother or male partner ever come up to you to off-load and cry? If so, how did you react to that? What did you say?… What was your reaction when your son fell off his bike and hurt himself? Remember this, words ingrained will forever be deeply imbedded…

Would we experience escalating abuse cases if men were encouraged to talk and to freely express how they felt? I’m obviously referring to emotional expression, not the physical kind, this has to be reserved for the punching bag at the boxing club or gym. Would we experience such disturbing and alarming statistics of GBV if men were afforded the various outlets that provide the much-needed support? Imagine a man who quickly grabs his phone and reaches out to his father instead of grabbing a gun.

My Humble Opinion: phrases such as “Boys don’t cry”, “You cry like a girl”, and “Don’t be a sissy” are the reason we have angry and detached men. Imagine a world that operated on a two-way street, whereby boys and men are encouraged to reach out, off-load and just be. Encouraged to do so without fear of judgement or fear of being ridiculed.

“Real men don’t cry, that’s how sadists are born” –  Ila Dhond